Some things we just take for granted don’t we? I am always amazed by the huge stresses our bodies have to go through to keep us alive, all working together in one fluid efficient system helping us to eat, drink, run, laugh, think and love. Although only in the early stages of my adult life I feel I’ve never really thanked many body parts such as my liver for example, for all it’s done for me, keeping me alive through all those long nights of high class metropolitan cocktails with business associates across town...oops did I say cocktails? I’m sure I meant to say piss warm special VAT. This week’s a bit hectic in the office so I decided I would write a business letter to my liver giving him a hearty thank you for all his services...
“Dear Andy’s Liver, we are writing to you to formally thank you for working overtime this week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. How you managed to absorb that last jager bomb with such ease on Wednesday night followed by disposing of a pubic hair laden Donor Kebab from the local deli is a mystery. But unfortunately we require you to work one more shift tonight as Andrew has been called into action again by his pesky housemates. He will require your services more than ever in his fragile state as the Plymouth university students union will no doubt get the better of him again. As a reward you will receive a few days off to rejuvenate and refresh most likely consuming copious amounts of greasy takeaway and oven food due to Andy’s inability to cook in his current state. I hope you will be ready to work all over again for a messy night on Wednesday keeping up your good work.”
However it seems my workforce is demoralised at this moment as this was my livers response...
“Dear Andy,
Despite the exemplary work record I have acquired this week, before you ask to work anymore over time I request that your esteemed colleague, Andy's Brain, returns from his rather lengthy vacation. We have had reports that Andy's Right Hand is currently snowed under with work, and that your company's advertising department- Andy's Face- is in dire need of a kick up Andy's arse. While we’re on the topic, I have not seen the cleaner turn up and clean Andy’s arse in over two weeks.
Yours sincerely
Mr Liver”
Needless to say, I took disciplinary action and fired my Liver. Good riddance to him, I hear with the current recession he has to make do with a new job in Kerry Katonas body.
Cheers then! x
No comments:
Post a Comment